Not So’s You’d Notice

(special thanks to subscriber Chris G.)

Once upon a time, there was a bachelor who fancied himself as God’s gift to women, and truth be told, he really was a fairly attractive young man. At any rate, he eventually decided it was time to marry.

It was the young man’s thinking that since he was so handsome, he’d need to find a wife who was equally attractive so that they could have amazingly beautiful children. And so he set off to find his bride.

His search took him far and wide across the land, until eventually he wound up at the home of a farmer who had three exquisitely lovely daughters. The young man approached the farmer and explained his intentions. The farmer thought it over for a bit and decided he’s let the man take each of his daughters out for a date if they were agreeable to the idea.

The daughters were all quite taken with the handsome bachelor and readily agreed, so he took the first daughter out for a date. They had a nice time, and when they got home, the man went to have a chat with the farmer.

“Well, how’d it go?” asked the farmer.

“Not too bad,” answered the man. “Your first daughter is really pretty. But the thing is… well… she’s just a weeeee bit… not so’s you’d notice… pigeon-toed.”

The farmer admitted that he had noticed the same thing, and suggested that the second date might go better. So, the young man took the second daughter out for the evening. Things went even better than before, and when the couple returned, the young man had another chat with the farmer.

“How’d it go this time?” asked the farmer.

“Oh, it was great!” answered the young man. “Your second daughter is stunning. But the thing is… well… she’s just a weeeee bit… not so’s you’d notice… cross-eyed.”

The farmer agreed that this was a bit of a flaw, and he suggested that the third date might do the trick. So, the young man took the third daughter out for a night on the town. This time, the date was fabulous, and when the couple returned, the young man sat down to talk with the farmer.

“Well, what’d you think?” asked the farmer.

“Oh, it was incredible!” the young man replied. “Your third daughter is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on! I absolutely must marry her immediately!”

The farmer seemed to think that was a fine idea, and the young man soon became a husband. And it wasn’t long at all before it was obvious that the new couple was going to be expecting a little bundle of joy.

Months later, the man was waiting anxiously in the hospital for the new arrival. But when the nurse brought him in to see his wife, the man was horrified to discover her holding the ugliest baby he had ever seen in his life! Stunned, the man staggered out of the room and made his way to a phone to call his new father-in-law.

“I just don’t understand it,” sobbed the man. “We were two of the most beautiful people in the world. How could we have created such a hideous child?”

“The thing is…” said the farmer, “well… she was just a weeeee bit… not so’s you’d notice… pregnant when you met her.”