A Brief Lesson in World History

The following are interesting answers culled from various Bible and history tests across the country.

Egyptians were people, too, even though they had false gods and pyramids and they all lived in the dessert by the river Nigel. They traveled by chariots and feet and were into bondage.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah Dessert is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible was invented by God who, on the 6th day, saw the light and he was happy with it. God also invented man from a spare rib and women from another one that was spare also.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked “Am I my brother’s son?”

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without ingredients. Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever made it to Canada.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people “Romans” because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out “Tee, Hee, Brutus”

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

Finally Magna Charta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

William Tell shot his load with an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “Hurrah.”

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Frances Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

William Shakespeare was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic.