Over a period of several years, a Sunday School teacher assigned her young students to write their own letters to God. Here are some of the gems she collected:
Dear God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told you?
Dear God, I like the story about Chanukah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.
Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Dear God, It’s O. K. that you made different religions but don’t you get mixed up sometimes?
Dear God, Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?
Dear God, In Bible times, did they really talk that fancy?
Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.
Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What’s up? Don’t forget.
Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business?
Dear God, It is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can’t you do that with the moon?
Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really.
Dear God, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
Dear God, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
Dear God, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries?
Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Dear God, What does it mean You are a jealous God? I thought You had everything.
Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Dear God, If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set.
Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Dear God, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
Dear God, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Dear God, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Dear God, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Dear God, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.
Dear God, Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother.
Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
-Your friend. (But I am not going to tell you who I am.)
Dear God, If we come back as something — please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
Dear God, My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they?
Dear God, I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!