A Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

A lawyer dies and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Before I can let you in,” says St. Peter, “I need to know what you’ve done in your life to earn your place in Heaven.”

The lawyer boastfully says, “Last week, I gave a quarter to a homeless guy.”

St. Peter considers this for a moment and then says, “Well, that was a decent thing to do, I suppose, but it’s not really enough to get you inside.”

The lawyer thinks again for a moment, then says, “There was also a time, a couple of years ago, when I gave a quarter to a disabled veteran.”

St. Peter isn’t sure what to do about this, but the angel Gabriel has been watching the whole thing and calls Peter aside. “Look,” says Gabriel as he reaches into his pocket to pull out two quarters. “Just give this jerk his 50 cents back and tell him to go to hell!”