The Goony Bird

After many years of marriage, a husband turned into a couch potato. He became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day.

The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom.

Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw a big, ugly, snorting bird with a brawny chest, powerful feet, beady eyes and a huge beak. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and that it had a very peculiar trait.

To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!” Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful beak and claws!

To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!” Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

“Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!”

So she bought the bird and took it home. When she got back to the house, her husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching a football game.

“Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! It’s a Goony bird!”

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my butt!”