Terrible Employee Evaluations

These gems were allegedly collected from actual employee evaluations over the years. You’ll note that some of them wouldn’t make it past the review board in today’s politically correct society. Actual names have been removed to protect the incompetent.

“Since my last report, he has reached rock-bottom and started to dig.”

“In closing, I would recommend that she not be allowed to breed.”

“I find that he is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t-be.”

“He works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

“When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”

“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”

“He is a gross ignoramus, which is to say he is 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

“He doesn’t have ulcers; he’s a carrier.”

“I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”

“It seems that this designer has been working with glue too much.”

“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

“This employee is a prime candidate for natural selection.”

“It would seem that she donated her brain to science before she was done using it.”

“In summary, the gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is nowhere in sight.”

“He’s got two brains cells: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”

“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

“If you give this employee a penny for her thoughts, you’d get change.”

“If you stand close enough to her, you can hear the ocean.”

“It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”

“This employee is one neuron short of a synapse.”

“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”

“It takes her 2 hours to watch ’60 Minutes.'”

“The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”

“Apparently he got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.”