Joke: Mangled Translations (Tootle Him With Vigor!)

English can be a tricky language. The following signs and instructions have been spotted by travelers all over the world.

Tokyo hotel: It is forbidden to steal hotel towels. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please not to read this notice.

Paris hotel: Please leave your values at the front desk. If you lose them in your room, we are not responsible.

Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the women who are employed to clean the rooms.

Hong Kong tailor: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Bangkok dry cleaner: Drop your trousers right here for best results.

Paris dress shop: Elegant dresses designed for street walking.

Greek tailor shop: Because of the big summer rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Japanese hotel: If you want to condition the warm in your room, please control yourself.

Rome laundry: Ladies, please leave all your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Copenhagen airline: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow hotel: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it!

Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.

Acapulco hotel: We are pleased to announce that the manager has personally passed all the water served here.

German camp site: It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose.

(And this one’s my favorite) From a Tokyo car rental guide: When passenger of foot heave into sight, tootle him with your horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, tootle him with vigor.